We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
