I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
