I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
