Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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