You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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