I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
