Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
