so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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