remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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