I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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