Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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