did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had sex on a roof
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
