Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
