I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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