where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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