I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
