went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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