well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
