Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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