call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
