Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch