Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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