So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
