can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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