My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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