He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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