They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
