Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
