how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
