There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
