Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
