Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
