i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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