Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Randomize
