Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
