Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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