I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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