better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
