from now on my penis is your penis
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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