I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
