I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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