Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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