I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
