Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.

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(716): View more from New York

I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you

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(562): View more from California

even your uterus rejects him.

(1-562): View more from California

apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.

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(972): View more from Texas

Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much

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(917): View more from New York City

Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.

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