I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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