Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
