that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
