thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
