i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
