I didn't shave. On purpose
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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