I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
