i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She bit a glass in half.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
