That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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