i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
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