I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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