sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
