dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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