So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
