Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
