he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
