Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
