sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize