i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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