Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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