8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
